if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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