WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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