i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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