end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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