How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Randomize