He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
