you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
