I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Randomize
