I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
