She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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