Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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