walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
It's never too late to be topless.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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