i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
