She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
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