White coat. Heels.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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