I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
