I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
