At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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