Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
