flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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