We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
