My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
