and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Someone came in the potted fern
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
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