I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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