just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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