Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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