Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
