i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
