How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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