this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
