the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
