I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
