He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
