so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
