Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
