u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
