you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
