i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
