dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
