He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
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