were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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