my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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