Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
