Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
