i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize