Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
