you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
