if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
