she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
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