it's too hot outside to masturbate.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
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