Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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