Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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