It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Randomize