i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
