I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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