if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Screwed.edu
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
