Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Randomize
