True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
