I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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