I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
