Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
