so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Randomize
