sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
