Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
