and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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